I choose not to wait for motivation. It seems when I have heard people speak of not being motivated they are talking about a feeling that will get them doing those things they need to do most. If I was to wait for that feeling constantly I would live on the dole reading comics and playing X-Box. Feelings do not just appear out of nowhere to suddenly inspire me to do work. I think motivation is a state of mind that comes through making good choices and experiencing success. I must chose to do those things I do not want to do.
One of my favourite comic artists and writers, Todd McFarlane, say that one of the keys to his success was never missing a deadline. Deadlines are a good motivator, as it seems easier to find the impetus to work when I have hit my deadline and MUST get it done. As this is something I am doing on my own then I am going to have to be equally as vigilant to meet my self-imposed deadlines. As easy as that sounds I have often found the immediate and urgent drown out the more important. By turning the important into the urgent I find a little more reason to get them done. Some tasks just do not want to be finished. Usual reasons apply: fear of failing, tired, do not want to go through the effort of problem solving... it is an endless list. The other part of this common problem of procrastination comes from the daunting scope of distance that must be covered. It is nothing new to suggest that any journey must be made one step at a time, yet this does little to help the self-esteem which has no trouble blaming you for creating the mess in the first place.
For instance, in our society more than any other, we have a growing problem of obesity. At risk of landing myself on that list I have chosen to change my current situation. As I feel each belt buckle tighten and each shirt magically shrink I am reminded of my failing to exercise more and eat better; most of the time this problem is born out of commitment to other facets of my life. Surely it is justifiable to eat fast food as I am on the run doing important tasks? Perhaps, but then I cannot complain when I give my boss a black eye by shooting a button off my shirt. Unfortunately for me I do not have an active metabolism. No end of sweet talk has managed to get it to work better. I have friends who eat only healthy foods when they have been properly battered and boiled in oil; yet do not attract an ounce of fat. I on the other hand put on weight just watching them eat. I am not alone in this condition. The reality is that I have this body and I must learn to steward it well; but to do that I must be comfortable in my own skin. It is no use to hate my body and then try to punish it with dieting; it will only turn into a feud between my body and my head. No, I must love my body as it is, and accept each and every kilo of it. If I diet it is for my good and exercise is to improve quality of life.
The self esteem I think plays a great role in determining my success from the outset. I will target it and seek to build it up. This means making choices to love myself and accept me as I am in this situation. Do I need to improve? Yes. Does it make me a failure? No. Am I less of a person for being in need of change? Definitely not. Are people better than me for not needing to fix the problems I have created for myself? How absurd. It should be the task of every person to learn how to be good stewards of their lives and reflect on their place in this world. After all, the unexamined life is not worth living. I think someone smart said that.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Values
As promised, I present to you my values. I have spent a long time choosing and refining these. Of course I do not live them out perfectly, that is partly the point. The point is that I want to and will spend the next nine months attempting to live each as best I can and reflecting on them. Such a process is formative and designed to help shape me into someone who lives his values better, test them to find their worth; or perhaps a better way to put it is: 'to put my money where my mouth is.'
VALUES
1. I LIVE BY THE GOLDEN LAW AND RULE AS THE GUIDING PRINICPLES OF MY LIFE
a. Golden Law: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength and love your
neighbour as yourself.
b. Golden Rule: Do to others as you would have others do to you.
2. I AM IN GOOD HEALTH
a. Eat more basic foods
b. Eat less bonus foods
c. Exercise regularly
3. I AM PRUDENT
a. I use practical reason to discern the true good in every circumstance and choose the right
means of achieving it.
b. I seek the right judgement about what must be done.
c. I use inquiry and consider my options and demands of reason.
d. I always seek to recognise the right option.
4. I AM AN AGENT OF JUSTICE
a. I seek to give what is due to God and neighbour.
b. I try to respond to the needs of my personal and social relationships.
c. I hear the cry of the poor and disadvantaged and act upon it.
5. FORTIUDE
a. I seek to be firm in the face of difficulties in pursuing the good
b. I seek to overcome fear and persevere against adversity.
c. I am strong in my resolve and will sacrifice when necessary
d. I will demonstrate calm steadfast and trust in the Lord.
6. TEMPERENCE
a. I seek to be rid of vice, order the attraction to pleasure and use things well.
b. I seek order in my instincts directing them towards what is honourable.
c. I seek to be balanced and moderate.
7. ORDER
a. I seek to order my time each day
b. I seek to have an ordered and manageable budget.
c. I contribute to a tidy environment.
8. COMMITMENT
a. I resolve to perform what I ought; perform without fail what I resolve.
9. HUMILITY
a. I imitate Jesus and Socrates
VALUES
1. I LIVE BY THE GOLDEN LAW AND RULE AS THE GUIDING PRINICPLES OF MY LIFE
a. Golden Law: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength and love your
neighbour as yourself.
b. Golden Rule: Do to others as you would have others do to you.
2. I AM IN GOOD HEALTH
a. Eat more basic foods
b. Eat less bonus foods
c. Exercise regularly
3. I AM PRUDENT
a. I use practical reason to discern the true good in every circumstance and choose the right
means of achieving it.
b. I seek the right judgement about what must be done.
c. I use inquiry and consider my options and demands of reason.
d. I always seek to recognise the right option.
4. I AM AN AGENT OF JUSTICE
a. I seek to give what is due to God and neighbour.
b. I try to respond to the needs of my personal and social relationships.
c. I hear the cry of the poor and disadvantaged and act upon it.
5. FORTIUDE
a. I seek to be firm in the face of difficulties in pursuing the good
b. I seek to overcome fear and persevere against adversity.
c. I am strong in my resolve and will sacrifice when necessary
d. I will demonstrate calm steadfast and trust in the Lord.
6. TEMPERENCE
a. I seek to be rid of vice, order the attraction to pleasure and use things well.
b. I seek order in my instincts directing them towards what is honourable.
c. I seek to be balanced and moderate.
7. ORDER
a. I seek to order my time each day
b. I seek to have an ordered and manageable budget.
c. I contribute to a tidy environment.
8. COMMITMENT
a. I resolve to perform what I ought; perform without fail what I resolve.
9. HUMILITY
a. I imitate Jesus and Socrates
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Time
I have forgotten to grab the USB that has my values on it; so until this evening (perhaps). I have found this process somewhat cathartic, but I often find the beginning is the easiest. Getting started always feels good; having the rigour to maintain is another issue. Developing discipline, as I think that is what I am doing, is a long slow process of boring holes in hard wood. However, it is my intent that I will make a change for the better and I will have those values posted by tonight.
I have decided that while I work each week at my stewardship, each month I will focus on one value and attempt to live it. So this is my task:
I will spend time each week focussing on managing my time, resources and relationships. Each month I will focus on 1 value and attempt to live it to my best ability and record the results.
What I have done today is I have gotten my dairy ready to plan. I will look at the term in advance and work out my meetings. I will spend time this week learning how to synchronize my phone and computer so I can keep appointments and special dates on hand. This will require me to learn how to use my phone. In all honesty I have never been a techno head and using office Word is an achievement in itself. Lame!
I have a list of my tasks and responsibilities and outlined what I must achieve each week to be ‘on top of things’ for school at least. The issue will be dealing with the ‘unexpected’ tasks that formation and relationships will throw at me. The ability to ever vigilantly say ‘NO’ to those things which sound so good will be tough. Today it is imperative that I get in my planning for school to the head of studies, or she may just eat my head which will hinder my attempts to improve my quality of life.
Tomorrow I will look at my finances, oh joy. I so look forward to examining my finances I suspect in much the same way that a horse looks forward to seeing the doctor after breaking its leg. Never mind, it must be done and I will throw myself with full gusto into the headlights of my destiny.
I have decided that while I work each week at my stewardship, each month I will focus on one value and attempt to live it. So this is my task:
I will spend time each week focussing on managing my time, resources and relationships. Each month I will focus on 1 value and attempt to live it to my best ability and record the results.
What I have done today is I have gotten my dairy ready to plan. I will look at the term in advance and work out my meetings. I will spend time this week learning how to synchronize my phone and computer so I can keep appointments and special dates on hand. This will require me to learn how to use my phone. In all honesty I have never been a techno head and using office Word is an achievement in itself. Lame!
I have a list of my tasks and responsibilities and outlined what I must achieve each week to be ‘on top of things’ for school at least. The issue will be dealing with the ‘unexpected’ tasks that formation and relationships will throw at me. The ability to ever vigilantly say ‘NO’ to those things which sound so good will be tough. Today it is imperative that I get in my planning for school to the head of studies, or she may just eat my head which will hinder my attempts to improve my quality of life.
Tomorrow I will look at my finances, oh joy. I so look forward to examining my finances I suspect in much the same way that a horse looks forward to seeing the doctor after breaking its leg. Never mind, it must be done and I will throw myself with full gusto into the headlights of my destiny.
Monday, April 12, 2010
StockTake
It was advantageous for me t say that I will simply state what will make things better; my mistake. However, I will state what I will work at to make things better for me. By saying ‘better’ I am referring to living in a way that will meet my needs as a person operating in the world and allow for a rich spiritual life. Like most people I begin with suppositions, these will be worth noting.
1) Nothing will come to me easily; if I want to change and grow I have to work at it.
2) If I want to make significant achievements I must leave my comfort zone.
3) I will never have more time in my life than I do right now.
4) To have a fulfilled life I must learn to steward my time and the facets of my world within my control.
5) Not everything is within my control.
6) Failure is not a bad thing but simply a chance to grow further.
7) I have values that govern my life and living from those better will help make me feel more fulfilled.
8) I am not owed anything, if I want something I must earn it.
These are not my governing values, only what I start as the explicit suppositions of this blog. Further analysis over time will reveal these to be accurate or incomplete.
To assist with this I have chosen to take account of these areas of my life and write a brief a statement on each; these are managing my time, resources (health, finances and possessions), and relationships. With that I will seek to learn how I can manage these areas better and seek to improve them. In addition I will list my values as they stand and spend a month working on doing the same. Over time I intend that these reflections will reveal something of the values themselves or more about me. I think that my inability to predict how this task will end is because I begin not with a clear example of what will work, only a hypothesis. Tonight I will add my list of personal values.
For the moment I will write a section on each area and where I am at:
Managing my Time:
I have spent a great deal of time learning how I can manage my time better, but seem to constantly fall into a slump. I begin the term by diligently working out my time but by second semester I am living off of quickly written up to do lists. It seems hard at times to look ahead and keep focus on what is important and filter out the urgent stuff that swallows my days activity. I struggle to manage the tide of information that comes my way and I am swamped under conflicting dates and demands. It is around this time I fail to look after myself and often end up physically exhausted. This further diminishes my resolve to work hard at the tasks at hand.
To begin this week I will look at the different areas of my life and examine what are the most important and what needs to be done to make them ‘healthy’ for lack of a better word.
Managing my Resources:
Health is the easy one. I KNOW this is not where it should be and will be hard to combat. I have put on a significant amount of weight over the last year and feel very unhealthy. I have significantly reduced my sporting commitments due to lack of time and have faltered in maintaining an exercise routine. I intend to cheapskate my way through this by getting help from someone. I will keep you posted on this.
Money has always been an issue for me. I SUCK at saving. I have loans I need to pay off and tax that has not been done for three years. This will take both time and will power. I seem to always end up living week to week and I intend to turn this one around. This week i will take stock of what comes in and goes out. I will look at what I spend (big ticket items) in a year and try to develop a saving plan. None of this is rocket science, it just takes a commitment to make and follow through.
Managing my resources means looking after my environment in which I live and work. I intend to keep a clean room and clean office. I want space that is inviting to work and live this will take time and effort. (Notice how everything is sucking my time right now; even organising my time is sucking my time.)
Managing my Relationships:
It seems odd putting this third as it is one of my primary values. It seems easy to let this one slip but without healthy relationship I am a lesser man. But I don’t place this third because I value it less, I am just aware that I do try to manage this one a great deal and need to apply focus on the other two first.
1) Nothing will come to me easily; if I want to change and grow I have to work at it.
2) If I want to make significant achievements I must leave my comfort zone.
3) I will never have more time in my life than I do right now.
4) To have a fulfilled life I must learn to steward my time and the facets of my world within my control.
5) Not everything is within my control.
6) Failure is not a bad thing but simply a chance to grow further.
7) I have values that govern my life and living from those better will help make me feel more fulfilled.
8) I am not owed anything, if I want something I must earn it.
These are not my governing values, only what I start as the explicit suppositions of this blog. Further analysis over time will reveal these to be accurate or incomplete.
To assist with this I have chosen to take account of these areas of my life and write a brief a statement on each; these are managing my time, resources (health, finances and possessions), and relationships. With that I will seek to learn how I can manage these areas better and seek to improve them. In addition I will list my values as they stand and spend a month working on doing the same. Over time I intend that these reflections will reveal something of the values themselves or more about me. I think that my inability to predict how this task will end is because I begin not with a clear example of what will work, only a hypothesis. Tonight I will add my list of personal values.
For the moment I will write a section on each area and where I am at:
Managing my Time:
I have spent a great deal of time learning how I can manage my time better, but seem to constantly fall into a slump. I begin the term by diligently working out my time but by second semester I am living off of quickly written up to do lists. It seems hard at times to look ahead and keep focus on what is important and filter out the urgent stuff that swallows my days activity. I struggle to manage the tide of information that comes my way and I am swamped under conflicting dates and demands. It is around this time I fail to look after myself and often end up physically exhausted. This further diminishes my resolve to work hard at the tasks at hand.
To begin this week I will look at the different areas of my life and examine what are the most important and what needs to be done to make them ‘healthy’ for lack of a better word.
Managing my Resources:
Health is the easy one. I KNOW this is not where it should be and will be hard to combat. I have put on a significant amount of weight over the last year and feel very unhealthy. I have significantly reduced my sporting commitments due to lack of time and have faltered in maintaining an exercise routine. I intend to cheapskate my way through this by getting help from someone. I will keep you posted on this.
Money has always been an issue for me. I SUCK at saving. I have loans I need to pay off and tax that has not been done for three years. This will take both time and will power. I seem to always end up living week to week and I intend to turn this one around. This week i will take stock of what comes in and goes out. I will look at what I spend (big ticket items) in a year and try to develop a saving plan. None of this is rocket science, it just takes a commitment to make and follow through.
Managing my resources means looking after my environment in which I live and work. I intend to keep a clean room and clean office. I want space that is inviting to work and live this will take time and effort. (Notice how everything is sucking my time right now; even organising my time is sucking my time.)
Managing my Relationships:
It seems odd putting this third as it is one of my primary values. It seems easy to let this one slip but without healthy relationship I am a lesser man. But I don’t place this third because I value it less, I am just aware that I do try to manage this one a great deal and need to apply focus on the other two first.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
back to work
I am a teacher and youth worker by employ. I love my job and yet it I still feel the dread of going to work this morning. The reason for this is simply under preparedness. I enter holiday breaks with joy as I know I will have time to get on top of things for next term, yet somehow manage to allow my valuable time get sucked away. There are several reasons for this. Firstly I allow believe i have earned a break and try to spend several days looking after ‘me’. This thought continues for most times of the holidays and eventually becomes a way of filling up my holidays with ‘me’ activities. Secondly because i am on holidays there are any number of people and events that place added demand on my time that I am either obligated or feel obligated to go to. This then makes me feel like I am not getting my holidays so I up the attempts for ‘me’ time. Finally, I am scared of doing the work. It is true, I am scarred of having to wrap my head around the coming term and thinking through, problem solving and writing work ahead of time. Yet it is when I am well organised that I feel capable of working to my best and enjoy it. Regardless my holidays are over and I am here writing this blog instead of doing any work. I now have to get busy, but will come back at the end of the day to describe what I intend to do about making things work better.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Beginning Thoughts
I am trying desperately to work through the facets of my life. I have recently hit that point of meltdown. It seems inevitable that I will meet this place again and on regular basis but this time I want to record what is happening and how I can effect appropriate change. What must I do to live the life I would be happy with? I am too old now to believe that it will come from changes to external circumstance; should I win the lotto I will be back in this place again at some point. It is an internal place I have reached as a result of my own choices, choices I have been losing confidence in of late. It is in these times I find the greater questions of life also press upon me most strongly. In part I wish to not mistake the existential questions with the corporeal ones, but at the same time I wish to indulge myself in the transcendental questioning while I am open to its calling.
Like so many people my youth was filled with a spark of hope that led me to believe that the future of this world was squarely within my grasp. That somehow I was to play a role in shaping this world for the better; that people would look to me for guidance and instruction, that I would make a difference. I have long fought against the temptation of an ordinary life. Yet despite the ravings of my heart I have often tread the safest path along the road of mediocrity and trepidation. Regrettable I have rarely made the decisions that would cost me dearly and while I lose nothing I gain nothing. I do not wish to let life swallow my years while I simply spend my time treading the waters of existence. Not to say that I have not been happy with choices I have made, only that I have not made choices of great risk. Not risk for the sake of risk, but risk that may, or may not, lead me into those areas I desire most in life. I am not advocating for a “life of power” as the TV evangelist might preach. I am seeking to live the life I want to live. But I am not always certain what that is. Part of my journey has to be understanding what and who I want to be; surely this is the great existential question I alluded to earlier. However, this is a pointless exercise if I cannot accomplish the necessary tasks of day to day living.
This is my task, to live life in a way that leaves me open to the greater values and questions of life. I do not wish to say that life is the parts that happen between the mundane tasks of day to day living, but inclusive of these tasks. If anything, I find my tendency is to avoid such tasks and then crumple in a heap when these tasks overwhelm me and leave me in a blubbering heap. During these moments I am prone to stress and anxiety. After my initial fits of worry I evaluate things and make promises to myself, set goals and begin to live the life I said I would always live. Unfortunately the moment my circumstance change, when I no longer feel this stress and the failure of my poor choices I am drawn back to feeding my selfishness. I suckle on the teat of self deceit and swallow the milk of hedonism. In short, I avoid the necessary tasks of life because they are too boring or hard. But sadly these smaller tasks are the building blocks of larger conquests and I must learn to master these also if I am to gladly face the bigger questions of life. It is often the same tasks that I fail to accomplish that lead to my downfall. These tasks are usually managing my time, managing my finances, managing my environment, managing my work life and most importantly, managing my relationships. It is clear that some of these are interrelated, but still have their own desirable achievements or outcomes. It is in managing those necessary elements of life that I wish to create the space to ask the bigger questions of life, that I might explore the questions in the midst of my success rather than my failure.
So I will consider the boundaries of this task, but tomorrow when I am more awake to do so.
Like so many people my youth was filled with a spark of hope that led me to believe that the future of this world was squarely within my grasp. That somehow I was to play a role in shaping this world for the better; that people would look to me for guidance and instruction, that I would make a difference. I have long fought against the temptation of an ordinary life. Yet despite the ravings of my heart I have often tread the safest path along the road of mediocrity and trepidation. Regrettable I have rarely made the decisions that would cost me dearly and while I lose nothing I gain nothing. I do not wish to let life swallow my years while I simply spend my time treading the waters of existence. Not to say that I have not been happy with choices I have made, only that I have not made choices of great risk. Not risk for the sake of risk, but risk that may, or may not, lead me into those areas I desire most in life. I am not advocating for a “life of power” as the TV evangelist might preach. I am seeking to live the life I want to live. But I am not always certain what that is. Part of my journey has to be understanding what and who I want to be; surely this is the great existential question I alluded to earlier. However, this is a pointless exercise if I cannot accomplish the necessary tasks of day to day living.
This is my task, to live life in a way that leaves me open to the greater values and questions of life. I do not wish to say that life is the parts that happen between the mundane tasks of day to day living, but inclusive of these tasks. If anything, I find my tendency is to avoid such tasks and then crumple in a heap when these tasks overwhelm me and leave me in a blubbering heap. During these moments I am prone to stress and anxiety. After my initial fits of worry I evaluate things and make promises to myself, set goals and begin to live the life I said I would always live. Unfortunately the moment my circumstance change, when I no longer feel this stress and the failure of my poor choices I am drawn back to feeding my selfishness. I suckle on the teat of self deceit and swallow the milk of hedonism. In short, I avoid the necessary tasks of life because they are too boring or hard. But sadly these smaller tasks are the building blocks of larger conquests and I must learn to master these also if I am to gladly face the bigger questions of life. It is often the same tasks that I fail to accomplish that lead to my downfall. These tasks are usually managing my time, managing my finances, managing my environment, managing my work life and most importantly, managing my relationships. It is clear that some of these are interrelated, but still have their own desirable achievements or outcomes. It is in managing those necessary elements of life that I wish to create the space to ask the bigger questions of life, that I might explore the questions in the midst of my success rather than my failure.
So I will consider the boundaries of this task, but tomorrow when I am more awake to do so.
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